One day, as I sat wishing upon wish that I had some guardian angel who would suddenly produce substantial funds for my family or that I had some magic machine that would find buried treasures (artifacts that I could sell like when some treasure hunter found Viking relics on a farmer’s land and made them both rich), I realized that there must be millions of other desires and pleadings being sent out into the world by the minute. I’d always thought of my wishes as significant and personal and that they might resonate with, first, God, and then, as my spirituality evolved, with some general benign energy that wished me well. Karma, planting the right seed, deserving it, earning it after all I’ve gone through over the years . . .
The crowded atmosphere of desperation and desire was not really something I understood until the Recession made so many of us around the world genuinely ruined financially with little-to-no chance of decent employment to rectify it. I only then realized how loud the cries must be during wartime. How saturated God/Ancestors/the spirit world must be with pleas for salvation, peace, food. How much competition I must have coming from the refugee camps in Syria. How many in Africa need hope and help? How many newly homeless in NY?
Mindfulness is so very important in our daily lives. Practicing careful consideration of what those around us deserve and need should be parallel to our own concerns. There is nothing any of us is going through that makes us alone. I was told just the other day, by a very kind person, that I must have been “sent” to them. I? I was someone to be grateful for? I may have helped someone accomplish something that they were proud of and that would contribute to their success. It was not planned and as just being the editor that I am, but it made a difference! Yes, pride is taking hold here. But not hubris. I am also humbled not elevated. This took me outside of my own sense of defeat and, for a short time, gave me a sense of wellbeing. This person had his own wishes and they were much like my own. He was able to value our exchange as a boon. I can only hope I can recognize when someone is sent to me. I seem to only see the financial windfalls.
There is also a practical side to this. As a writer, I must be aware of how effective my character development must be. Or how honest my nonfiction must be. If I write without understanding the larger world or the nature of pain and wishes, my representation of people, real or imagined, cannot resonate with my readers. They should either feel connected to the people on the page or they discover something new about human nature. I’m responsible for creating that verity or enabling the discovery. Every time I realize how connected we are in our motives and driving forces, I can understand what my readers will benefit from. Maybe this understanding will enrich their own sense of self and their own connection to the world. Maybe they will simply feel understood or have an “aha” moment that affects their own writing or daily choices.
I am still processing what I’ve learned over these past few days. I am still crowding the psychic and spiritual pathways with my fears and pleadings for special attention. But I don’t think I will take precedence. I am among those who have a better chance of saving ourselves. There are others who truly need a miracle. Maybe one of them will become mine.